TaylorInterventions.com Dallas Taylor's Addiction intervention web page
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Interventions, Drug Alcohol Recovery: Dallas Taylor,
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Dallas Taylor!
It wasn't until I admitted complete defeat and gave up the illusion that some day I would learn to control my drinking and using, that I was able to survive. For me, it has not been without serious consequence. I lost my family, my career in music, and received a liver transplant in 1990. We are taught in our society to never give up. This can be a deadly mistake! The dictionary describes surrender as "giving up the fight" and "joining the winning side.” I believe that my alcoholism is a disease of self-loathing. For me the glass was always half empty, and no matter how successful I was, that feeling of hopelessness, suddenly appeared. The more successful I was, the worse I felt. Without even realizing it at first, I began to self-destruct. It seemed to give me some twisted sense of control. I would destroy my success before "you" could take it away.
Looking back through clear eyes, this seems quite insane, yet I hear this same kind of behavior from many alcoholics and addicts I talk to. I no longer drink or use drugs, gamble or smoke cigarettes, but I have to be aware of becoming addicted to anything that will keep me from "feeling," and dealing with life on life's terms. I was an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. No one, including myself, expected me to live. Finally, in 1984 after numerous halfhearted attempts to stop, and after a suicide attempt with a butcher knife to my stomach, I was just too beat to fight any longer. I surrendered! The battle was over – and a new life awaited me. With the help of counselors at a treatment center, I was able to get the "tools" I needed to begin this incredible journey. I have been restored from that hopeless state of mind and body.
Today my life is quite different. I am married to a woman that loves and respects me, I have a relationship with my children and grandchildren, I am able to look in the mirror and not hate my reflection. My life is no longer based on "self centered fear,” afraid of losing what I have or not getting what I want. Although, from time to time, these fears still creep in, I now have the tools to deal with it. I now find pleasure in helping other alcoholics and addicts. For this selfish rock and roll drummer, that's quite a transformation! Finding a sense of spirituality has been essential for this change.
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